Acknowledging Our Pain - Rescuing the Rescuer
Sometimes the motivation to help others may be an extension
of a
deep desire to heal a wounded part of ourself.
Some people seem called to
help others, often from very early on in their childhoods, responding to the
needs of family members, strangers, or animals with a selflessness that is
impressive. Often, these people appear to have very few needs of their own, and
the focus of their lives is on rescuing, helping, and healing others.
While
there are a few people who are truly able to sustain this completely giving
lifestyle, the vast majority has needs that lie beneath the surface, unmet and
often unseen. In these cases, their motivation to help others may be an
extension of a deep desire to heal a wounded part of themselves that is starving
for the kind of love and attention they dole out to those around them on a daily
basis. For any number of reasons, they are unable to give themselves the love
they need and so they give it to others. This does not mean that they are not
meant to be helping others, but it does mean that they would do well to turn
some of that helping energy within.
One problem with the rescuer
model is that the individual can get stuck in the role, always living in crisis
mode at the expense of inner peace and personal growth. Until the person
resolves their own inner dramas, they play them out in their relationships with
others, drawn to those who need them and often unable to acknowledge their own
needs or get them met.
In the worst-case scenario, they enable the other
person’s dilemma by not knowing when to stop playing the rescuer and allow the
person to figure it out on their own. However, if the rescuer finds the strength
to turn within and face the needy aspects of their own psyche, he or she can
become a model of empowerment and a true source of healing in the world.
Some signs that you or someone you love may need to rescue the rescuer
within are inner burnout from over-giving; underlying resentment; an inability
to admit to having needs of one’s own; and an unwillingness to be vulnerable.
Help comes when we allow ourselves to admit we need it, acknowledging our
humanity and our wholeness by acknowledging our pain. The understanding we gain
in the process will naturally inform and inspire our ability to help those in
need to do the same.
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